Catching my own butterflies

Is anyone else dreaming wildly, and more vividly than usual during this pandemic? With my barely recognizable sleep cycle and Defcon-5-level of worries and what-ifs, it’s even more noticeable for me these past few months. Some dreams are noteworthy, but mostly I’m just exhausted all day.

I’ve always had pretty good recall of many nightly adventures, especially the crazy ones. And while I seldom write them down or try to analyze the deeper meaning, there are those that hit me on the head in the morning letting me KNOW there’s a message in there I can’t ignore.

I recently stumbled upon a page in one of my countless notebooks describing one such dream that took place when I was in the process of starting my business. I had completely forgotten about it so I was pleased I had the awareness to write it down at the time. It went like this:

I was discussing a potential job with a woman who seemed to work for Apple. She was enthusiastically explaining how much money I would make – millions! – and what a huge asset I would be to the company.

She said, “you’ll be responsible for catching my butterflies and making them pretty!”

As a designer and a writer, I’m used to being given concepts or words and then asked to ‘make them pretty’ so I was understandably excited and confident. However, I had misunderstood what she was expecting of me: I was to help organize her brilliance but not in a creative capacity – as a personal assistant to her and the team. In spite of the promised riches, I declined the offer because I knew I could do so much more.

I recall waking up and feeling good that my subconscious knew what was best for me as I embarked on my new venture. I’ve had many jobs over the years that were fulfilling and educational, but I was ultimately working on someone else’s dream – not mine.

It was time to catch my own butterflies.